But when she arrived at Melissa's school, a teaching assistant said her daughter was in "huge distress", pulling things off the walls - and they needed to have a "hard conversation".

"I had no idea what was coming and could still hear that Melissa was distressed. The head said it was a permanent exclusion and she couldn't come back," Belinda said.

Similar cases are happening in schools elsewhere. Caroline, not her real name, holds a senior role in the education team at a local authority in England.

"Any child that looks slightly like they're going to be a problem, they're excluding them. The system's falling apart," she says.

Speaking on condition that we protect her identity, Caroline says some schools are excluding SEN (special educational needs) children to protect their results.

Of all the children excluded from schools in England last year, 47% had some form of special educational needs, according to Department for Education figures.

Current government guidance to schools states that under the Equalities Act it would be "unlawful" to exclude a pupil "simply because they have SEN or a disability that the school feels it is unable to meet". But that's exactly what Caroline says she witnessed first-hand.

Government spending on special needs support in mainstream schools, special schools and independent, privately run schools, has increased by a third in just the last couple of years, to £10.5bn a year.

The Department for Education says its investment in what is known as the "high needs budget" has risen.

'I heard 'she can't come back' and collapsed'

In Belinda's case, her daughter's meltdowns led to a series of short exclusions, but she says she had no idea the school would ever make it permanent. Melissa is on the waiting list to be assessed for autism.

Melissa's headteacher told Belinda her daughter had attacked another child and kicked and punched a teacher.

Belinda says she collapsed on the floor upon hearing the news.

"I don't understand how it got to this stage because a year before I gave the school permission to restrain Melissa if she was in danger of harming herself or others," she says.

"After the exclusion Melissa wouldn't eat, wet herself most days and wanted to go back to school."

Belinda launched an appeal against the exclusion and a month later received a letter from the school's governing body.

"The governors found a host of failures in how the behaviour policy was applied and it was overturned. Luckily Melissa got a place at a fantastic pupil referral unit who have restored her trust in education," she said.

Now, Melissa is happily settled in a special school and has caught up on her lost learning.

Melissa's former school, Woodlands Primary, said: "We don't comment through the media on matters regarding current or previous pupils. Any parent who has a concern should always contact the school directly."

'Schools are intelligence cleansing'

Caroline's job involves finding school places for children with SEN and disabilities, as well as children who've been permanently excluded from school or are at risk of permanent exclusion.

"Every day there's a new kid that comes to us," says Caroline. The demand on special schools - which cater for children who have physical difficulties and/or problems with learning - is now so great she is having to place these children in independent schools at a typical cost of £95,000 per year. There are not enough special school places.

Caroline claims teachers have told her that pressures of OFSTED ratings stop them being inclusive. Others have said it's not worth having a specialist unit in their school because it would "bring SAT results down", and some have even talked about planning a "cull".

This "intelligence cleansing" dates back at least to 2019, says Caroline.

In the last three years following the pandemic, she says, demand for her department's services has tripled. Meanwhile, secondary schools are struggling to provide suitable support.

The preferred reason for permanent exclusions, she says, is "persistent disruptive behaviour".

"If a kid has a one-off incident with a knife, or brings drugs in, or assaults somebody... they get excluded for a period of time and come back. Hundreds of children are being excluded for persistent disruptive behaviour and they aren't coming back - a lot of those kids aren't getting any help."

When these children are assessed, a lot of them have special educational needs, says Caroline.

Read more from this series:
Absence in schools is now at crisis point
The number of children missing school soars

Councillor Louise Gittins, chair of the Local Government Association's Children and Young People Board, warned councils are facing "significant challenges" due to an "ever-increasing rise in demand" for support for children with special educational needs and has called for the government to announce more funding for this area in the upcoming Autumn Statement.

'I just got angry and started ripping stuff up'

Lillymay is 13. She is autistic and was excluded from her mainstream secondary school and a special school. She's now been out of formal education for almost a year waiting for a special school place. Her exclusion came after an incident where a teacher allegedly locked her in a room to restrain her.

"I don't see why he needed to lock me in. I don't like being touched. So, I got angry and started ripping things up.

"Someone phoned an ambulance and a couple of us went to hospital, but they told us to go home. A couple of days later, we got the letter saying I was permanently excluded. They said I caused hundreds of pounds worth of damage - I just ripped up three books."

Lillymay says the schools she has been to don't know what to do with children like her.

"People might say it's challenging but I don't feel like it's that hard to accommodate people," she says.

Stratford-Upon Avon High School, where Lillymay used to attend, said it has "extensive provision" for children with SEN and follows Department for Education guidance and other legal duties.

Headteacher Neil Wallace said he only excludes when other children could be harmed, for "serious or persistent breaches of the school's behaviour policy".

He also pointed to an increasing number of children with special educational needs at a time when there are cuts to funding and social services, along with the government's emphasis on an academic curriculum that isn't suitable for all children.

In 2021/22 there were 6,495 exclusions. Nearly half - 47% - involved children with some kind on of special educational need. The most common reason for exclusion was "permanent disruptive behaviour".

Within those categorised as having special educational needs, the number of those excluded varies by the needs they have.

Social, Emotional and Mental Health Needs is a very broad category, including children who show disruptive behaviour, can be withdrawn, have eating disorders, self-harm or abuse drugs and alcohol. It also includes children with attention deficit disorder (ADHD).

'My son's school paid me off'

Alison* is the mother of James*, now nine, who was excluded from an independent school he'd attended for six years. He is currently on the waiting list for an autism diagnosis.

While independent schools aren't governed by government guidance on how best to support SEN children, they are obliged to comply with the Equality Act 2010.

Alison says she was "paid off" by the school not to talk about her son's case.

"Until he was in Year 3, he'd only ever had one informal short exclusion. Then when he was eight, they became a weekly occurrence. Looking back, he was a neurodivergent child who was traumatised by bullying," she said.

Alison claims there was a lack of support from the school and that James was called "wimpy" by a staff member assigned to help him.

"As soon as his behaviour was distressed, they started talking about exclusion," says Alison, who later did a Subject Access Request that revealed conversations between teachers discussing how James would be better off in a state school. "There was an agenda to exclude my son."

She was given three weeks to find a new school for her son, and he is now in a mainstream state school.

"It's been devastating for him," says Alison. "He didn't understand why... he was the one who was forced to leave. He constantly references wanting to die and regularly refuses to go to school because he now hates school."

A Department for Education spokesperson said: "We are clear that permanent exclusion should only be used when absolutely necessary, as a last resort for behaviour management, and should not mean exclusion from education.

"Councils are responsible for providing the right support for children in their areas but we know there is more to do, which is why we are urgently delivering against our plans published earlier this year to create a fairer special educational needs and alternative provision system.

"We are also investing £2.6bn between 2022 and 2025 in special and alternative provision places, and funding for those with complex needs is rising to £10.5bn in 2024-25 - an increase of over 60% since 2019-20."

Paul Whiteman, general secretary at school leaders' union NAHT, said decisions to exclude children are "always a last resort".

"Increasing numbers of special schools are over-subscribed and the dire shortage of places means some pupils are inappropriately placed in mainstream settings," he said.

"These schools may lack the necessary resources and specialist staff, and often do not receive the full funding a special school place would generate."

*Names have changed

Anyone feeling emotionally distressed or suicidal can call Samaritans for help on 116 123 or email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. in the UK. In the US, call the Samaritans branch in your area or 1 (800) 273-TALK