Hi all,

You may have heard about a new report that has been published today by a think tank saying that cities in the North - such as Hull, Sunderland and Bradford, are "beyond revival" and everyone living there should move south!

A mass migration to London, Cambridge and Oxford would stop residents becoming "trapped" in poorer areas, so say 'Policy Exchange'. They also said that current regeneration policies were "failing" the people they were meant to be helping.

Is it just me, or is this complete madness?! What they seem to be saying is that there are better jobs down south, so were all meant to up sticks and move down south!? Well, I'm sorry, but I'd rather stay here until the very last cliff has eroded into the see than live down south!

If anything, I think EVERYBODY should ignore this 'advice' and prove these snobs and southern softies wrong. It may be grim up north, but the people up here don't mind holding the door open for you and they say "please" and "thank-you", where as the people down there are rude, the air is bad and there are too many cars on the roads.

Meanwhile, in my beloved City of Hull, the big screen in Victoria Square is in danger of being axed! City council leader Carl Minns has said that the sponsorship and the planning permission is due to run out so a proper debate about it's future is needed. The options to be considered will include keeping it where it is, moving it to another location or even selling it.

The screen was controversially bought 4 years ago by the then Labour governed council for just under £700,000 to coincide with the Athens Olympics.

OK, here's an idea, if they're going to sell it, why doesn't The East Riding of Yorkshire Council buy it and stick it in Valley Gardens?! It'd be great for all of the concerts and would make it an all year round attraction. Roll up, roll up, come and see the big screen that was meant for Leeds, that ended up in Hull and was then put in Withernsea! Obviously, this would never happen as if the council did buy it, it'd probably end up in Beverley or some other place that they love to invest in! It was just a thought, that's all.

That was a bit serious wasn't it? Now for the daft stuff!

In a packed programme on Sunday, I'll be talking to a man who goes in for meditation because he thinks it's better than sitting around doing nothing, and I'll be talking to an out of work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.

In other news today...
Someone has stolen the toilet from the Police Station, so far the police have nothing to go on.

A hole has been found in the wall of the local nudists camp, the police are looking into it.

It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, both Laurel and Hardy.

After a series of crimes in the Glasgow area, Chief Inspector McTavish has announced that he's looking for a man with one eye. If he doesn't find him, he's going to use both eyes.

Humberside Police announced today that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers, but the Chief Constable said they must wear their normal uniforms.

Next week, I'll be investigating rumours that the president of the dairy council has become a Mason, and goes around giving his colleagues the secret milkshake. I'll also continue our investigation into the political beliefs of nudists, we've already noticed a definite swing to the left.

...and it's goodnight from me, erm... just me actually!

Mike "I love the two ronnies me i do" Brown.

P.S If only my show was actually this funny!

Links:

• The Mike Brown Radio Show Webpage.
• Move south story on bbc.co.uk.
• Big screen story on thisishullandeastriding.co.uk.